Right now, I’m questioning many of my online friendships. I don’t know if it’s just me or if it has to do with the new moon, but I can’t seem to chat with anybody without having an argument with them. And sometimes it is over such silly stuff it’s just pathetic.

 

I’m not too well lately. My health is not the best and I feel tired a lot. I hide at home and sleep a lot and of course, eat too much.

 

So after all the arguments, I decided to stay offline for a couple of day. No chatting for me. Maybe this phase of bad influence will go away on it’s own. I have a week off next week and I planned to do a spring clean.

 

Now since I wasn’t chatting yesterday, I started to dust off and clean my bookshelf. My bookshelf is like my life. It not just holds books, but souvenirs, gifts and memories.

I started at the top, where I have some witchy stuff, like my runes and crystals. I also had some oils and balms there and a couple of other things. The next was souvenirs from holidays I either got myself or as a gift from others. I’m especially fond of the 2 pair of chop sticks my mum brought me from China.

 

Then there was my photo equipment. I really should send in the film lol. I have it there since years now and can’t even remember what’s on it. A few electronic things are there too, including my old walkman. I threw it away now. I don’t really use it anymore and it’s just a memory of my teenage years.

 

At the bottom of the bookshelf, I found 4 metal cookie boxes. 2 of them held buttons. Don’t laugh lol. I got them from my grandmother. I always thought that I might use them some when. I’m such a collector lol. I threw them away and kept the boxes. The other 2 were empty so I filled one of them with stuff for table decorations and little stones to glue to stuff.

 

I moved to the next element of my bookshelf. It holds all my witchy books. I cleaned and sorted them and dreaded the moment I would have to look at the two metal boxes at the bottom. These two boxes hold memories, memories of my teenage years till now. Letters, postcards and other little notes.

 

I took one of the boxes and sat on the couch. Taking a deep breath I opened it. It was the box with the wedding stuff on top. Vouchers we got on our wedding and never used. Cards from family and friends, wishing us all the best. I quickly went through all of it and spilled some tears. There on that pic of the announcement of the wedding was a girl who smiled happily and in hope of having found her counterpart. I quickly shredded the card and threw it away. Together with all the other stuff that promised good times, but just brought me grief and unhappiness. I only kept one or two pics of friends. It’s my past and the last thing, beside my wedding dress I kept from that horror of a marriage. And I felt relieve, when I saw all the memories vanish in the garbage bag lol. I think, now I’m really done with that part of my past. I spilled the last tears for it.

 

The next box is filled with postcards and letters. I cried a lot reading them. They were from my grandmother and my godfather. Two people who meant a lot in my life and are both dead since a couple of years. I won’t throw them away, they mean too much to me. I also kept the only love letter I ever got lol. I was 14 or 15 then and like most males I know, he was a whiner. No offence guys, but what I went through the past weeks, makes me want to become a lesbian or at least bi. Lol.

 

I also found a couple of letters my mum wrote to me. Apparently I even ran away as a teenager. I can’t really remember that lol.

 

All in all, it was good to clear out the cobwebs in my life. To get rid of some old luggage, so to speak. It was like closing a chapter of my life and it felt good. I felt lighter. I’m sure by the end of the month, more will be gone. The bookshelf was just the beginning.

Thankyou, Kat, for your support and understanding. Maybe you're right; maybe wedo try too hard to live up to other people's expectations of us, even if that means trying to be someone we're not. I don't know if that might be what I'm doing, right now, but whether it is or it isn't, I appreciate you bringing the possibility forward so that I can see it and be aware of it. I want to heal the breaches between me and my sister, but I don't want to have to be someone I'm not in order to achieve that...

It's amazing what can go on when not spending all day on here- a break is needed once in a while. I try to do it when I can, but you can only clean so much, so often (espec when someone else makes the mess).

What's kinda funny about that tho, is that I was just cleaning my PC some yesterday, and came across some of our old stuff. Interesting timing.

Hope you start feeling better soon. *hugs*

This is the kind of post that makes people want to read blogs :) You are a great storyteller, even though in this case the story is true and gives insight into your own life. That makes it even more captivating :)

Hi Kat. Just checking in to see what's new and to let you know I haven't forgotten about you. I hope you're feeling better; you didn't catch that nasty flu bug, did you?

Take care, my friend, and be happy.

Hi Kat, just popping by to wish you a great weekend and let you know I'm thinking of you. I hope all is well with you...

Hey Kat,

Oh, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND the need to unplug form the internet for awhile.
Do what you have to do; worked for me and kept me sane...uhm, well, in a manner of speaking at least. ;)

Sorry this is short, my brain is scattered and am still wiped-out these days, still, working my way back, myself. Catch you on the better side for us both,


Melissa

Hey beautiful... Just stopping by to say hi ... Sorry to hear you are not feeling well, but dropping out of the picture for a while can help a person sort out their "closets" I LOVE THE METAPHOR! Clean it out baby! Get rid of all the dead-wood and last-years hem-lines... I can relate to the concept of purging... LITERALLY... and what's MY new metaphor for life? I am using a "campers backpack" as a model to how I wanna live my life these days... UNOLAD ALL THE FUCKIN' BURDENS others have put upon us. That includes all the material crap I thought was important to to me, but is, in a word, JUNK! I found when I started to unload the emotional garbage the rest came easy... You are an amazing person and your blogs have always inspired me, especially when I was going thru hell last year... I always felt you to be completely honest when you open up about your feelings and has made it easier for me when I know others can relate to what I am going thru. Don't apologize for needing the time to sort things out... clutter-cleaning is best done ALONE... on your own time... Hard to figure out what to "dump" and what to "shrine off". Just want you to know I'm thinkin' aboutcha... Your friend SHAWNO

Morning, Kat!

It's a special Manic Monday, today, if you feel like coming by.

Hi Kat. Hope you're doing okay... Come on by the tree for a giggle or two; it's Hump Day, and that means silliness...

Morning, Kat. Just popping in to see what's new and wish you a happy Hump Day.

Morning, Kat. Just dropping in to see what's new and wish you a great day and a great week.

Hey girlfriend! I see you taking a little break. Nothing wrong with that. Hope your back to your cheerful self again soon. I miss your presence here at bravejournal.

Hello beautiful... I too have been lying low these days... Why on earth would ANYONE have ANYTHING bad to say to U? You're fuckin' flawless and anyone who is giving U grief [on line or in life] needs to be TURFED! You are one of the sweetest ladies on line I know, classy , funny, beautiful. Some people tend to use technology to vent their misplaced anger. Kick em' to the curb, I say. I hadn't read your blog for a while , been home recovering and not keeping up with internet friends. But I always feel good after visiting you. Your blog is really lovely and I like all the cool stiff you have on it. Gonna visit more often. OK , U take care and don't let any of these losers ruin your day. HUGS Shawno

Hey Kat! Sounds like you were getting some pretty interesting direction from your guides. It sounds like this was a time of healing that you really needed...I love hearing when that happens to somebody. It can be quite empowering when we're able to let go of things that seem to hold us in place at times. The other aspect of closure, of course, means getting prepared to apply the knowledge we just gained. Sometimes the chat thing can drain us, especially if games are being played or manipulation in general. Everyone is going through their own "challenges" I figure and that frustration comes out without us even thinking about it. Just my opinion...uh, and why haven't I added you to my friend's list already?...lol. Would you mind if I did? Have a great week and enjoy some peace.

Hi Kat. Long time, no see. It sounds to me like you're making some progress with yourself, eh? It's amazing how good it can feel when we get rid of stuff that just doesn't work for us anymore...

I'm sorry I haven't been here for so long; I got busy with stuff, and then I got a new computer, and I forgot to bookmark several people's journals. Anyway, I'm here now, so I can get up to speed on how things are going in your life.

Drop by Weigh to Go! some time; I'm slowly getting my act back together - meaning, I'm posting more often there. LOL

It's been awhile since you last posted here, so I hope you're doing okay, Kat. Take care and have a good weekend, okay?

Morning, Kat. Just dropping in to see what's new and wish you a great day and a great week.

Hi Kat. Just dropping by to say hi. Hope you're having a nice weekend...

Just droppin' in to see how U R... BIG HUGS Shawno